For those of you not aware, I am now a part of a webcomic that has recently gone live! You can check it out here:
[link]

Much Mayhem to be found.
Update Schedual is every Saturday. (and maybe occasionally wednesday)

And if you're wondering, yes this is why I haven't been uploading as much work here lately.

Twenty two.

Twenty two valentine's days in a row without anyone. Twenty two valentine's days in a row that I've spent in tears.

Another Valentine's day has come and gone and again and left me in the wake of crippling loneliness that it leaves behind. I hate Valentine's Day, I really don't need anything else to remind me that there has been and never will be anybody who loves me.

Every year I get even uglier than I was the year before. Every year my issues manifest further. And Every year it becomes less and less likely that I will ever find somebody who will put up with everything that is wrong with me.

I have never been on a date. I have never had a kiss. I have never had someone physically attracted to me. I have never, in my entire life, had someone who cared for me romantically. And after twenty two years... it's fairly obvious that this is all my fault. I am not strong enough, not strong enough to be brave... not strong enough to give myself confidence... not strong enough to overcome my stupid STUPID paranoia... and not strong enough to hope that any of this will ever change.

I suppose this is Darwinian Theory in action... and I should take comfort in the fact that my ugly, disfigured, paranoid genes will never make it to another generation. They'll die with me the way they should.

So to anybody out there who has ever had someone who cared for them... just try to remember how lucky you are.

Responsibility to Democracy

What would you call a system of government that is controlled by a group of individuals, individuals who have the task of creating laws for their country and through deliberation and reasoning, determine morals that guide how a country will progress in its foreign and domestic affairs?

Aristocracy.

While those of you in a Democratic nation may feel that this description is an accurate summary of your system of government, there is a key factor missing that makes all the difference in the world. In a conventional Democracy, the group of individuals that make the laws are selected by the people of the country. And in choosing these individuals, every citizen is heard and represented.

There are so many people I speak to on a day to day basis who could not care less about politics. They go day to day without paying attention to the news, to the papers or to the respected journalism websites, because they are not concerned with the nitty gritty details of laws and funding and how they change. And most importantly, they do not vote. They seem to think that the government is taking care of them and acting in their best interest, which one would think is difficult to do if they never let the government know how they feel. They do not inform themselves, and they do not speak up. And so the rules and regulations of the various levels of government grow and change, and international decisions are made without their voices ever being heard.

Hurricane Katrina. The mere mention of this recent weather disaster conjures up hundreds of ghastly images that were seen in papers and on television. And for those less fortunate, it reminds them of the terror and the pain that came from experiencing it first hand, and for some others, it reminds them of lost love ones. While no human being caused the storm, or directed it at the city of New Orleans, blame for the deaths of the people is thrown around like so much mud. Governments and politicians are blamed for cutting funding to rebuilding the levees, making them more likely to break, all in spite of warnings given that the city was in serious danger should a storm strike. Governments and politicians are again blamed for failing to orchestrate a proper evacuation in time, in spite of the warning of the impending hurricane. Governments and politicians are once again blamed for the botched rescue efforts after the hurricane, during which news helicopters managed to find and film stranded people, but rescue helicopters were days later. Governments of every level have received blame for this calamity... and while the validity of each accusation is debated, there is little doubt that these deaths could have been prevented. However, the governments that people blame for the loss of life were Democratic. The people in office currently under scrutiny for their poor performance were elected by the people. And if the United States is truly a democratic country, then the deaths from Hurricane Katrina are the responsibility of every eligible voter in the United States for putting these people in office in the first place.

The citizens of Louisiana were given an opportunity to elect their governor, just as the citizens of the United States were given the opportunity to elect their president. The voters were given the opportunity to inform themselves about their country and their state, to consider how they would like their country and state changed (or not changed), then to inform themselves about all aspects of the candidates and their political agendas, and then determine who would make the best leader. Votes were cast and their representatives chosen. Then Disaster.

It may well be that the Deaths of Katrina were completely unavoidable, but ultimately you get the leader you vote for. And if your leader you voted for does not act in your interests, then either through your fault, or the fault of your information sources, you were not properly informed prior to casting your vote.

I am certain there were people in New Orleans who never voted. People who did not care enough about politics to go to the trouble of informing themselves and casting their vote. Some of them are dead now.

Politicians do not make small decisions, they hold your welfare and your very lives in their hands. But unlike the ancient Monarchies of Europe... it is your decision who holds you. Choose carefully, and never fool yourself into thinking that anything less than your life is at stake.

Inform yourself, inform others, and then Vote.
Your country is your responsibility.

(Just a reminder to people that voting for anything is important, and informing yourself prior to voting is even MORE important. You are only one person, but one person is all it takes to change the world. Inform others, inform others that they can inform others. And most importantly... watch this:

[link]

I wrote this "essay" of sorts because I care about my friends, and I don't want to lose them.)

More and more I find myself puzzling over abstract concepts. Things that have absolutely no bearing on any aspect of my day to day life, but still manage to occupy my thoughts for hours at a time.

What if the passage of time isn't a linear constant? What if we only perceive it as so? Is it possible that time could cease to exist at any moment as it grinds to some inevitable halt?

Recently, evidence has been uncovered that the speed of light is actually slowing down. One of the fundamental constants of the universe is actually changing, which makes me wonder just how many other aspects of reality are in a constant state of decay. There are aspects of Sub-atomic physics we are only barely beginning to grasp. Is it possible, with the constants of the universe changing, that reality is inching towards some sort of cataclysm, in an apocalyptic countdown, when some constant of the universe drops below a threshold and all the matter of the universe simply loses cohesion? The "Big bang" created what we know as reality, and seemingly spawned from nothing... how before another event creates another reality?

Of course... while I fear instantaneous death of my physical body at the hands of the inconceivable mathematical foundations of the universe... not unlike many would perceive a high-school physics exam... there is another far more pressing question that weighs on my mind at the moment:

What is the soul?

People often make use of this word in day to day conversation, but the more I question the word, the fewer answers I get. Nobody seems to agree on what the word really means.

Dictionary definitions are numerous, and all equally vague in their description, referring to anything from spirituality to essential essence to disembodied ghosts. And while the this information is ultimately useless directly, it does serve as evidence that nobody agrees on the word "soul", and it really means whatever the person saying it wants it to mean.

There are common threads though, between the definitions that can be found, so it may be possible to create a working, simple definition based on those.

The first common thread: Every living human being has a soul. Second; the soul is immortal, and survives death of the human body. Third; the soul is the truest identity of the living being that possesses it.

With these guidelines in place, a working definition for the soul can be established:

"The soul is the immortal aspect of a living creature, the part of a being which is independent of the body."

It seems simple at first glance. The soul cannot be killed, (at leas through conventional physical means such as a large knife or errant falling piano) and since the soul survives the death of the body, it must also be separate from any physical component of the body.

However... this is where the difficult question arises... Just what IS independent of the human body?

When asked what part of them is their soul, people will say a number of things. Their consciousness, personality, their memories, their knowledge and skills, their intelligence... some would even say their species and gender are a part of their soul. (That there is such a thing as a "cat soul" or a "male soul", which would inherently differ from a "dog soul" or a "female soul")

However, species and gender are clearly an aspect of your body, and remain with your body even after death. If a soul is to be independent of the body, then these aspects of a living creature are clearly a matter of the physical entity, and not the soul.

Personality, knowledge, memory and intelligence... all things pertaining to what we would know as "the mind" at first appear to be solid grounds for the basis of a soul, they are clearly aspects of a person that seem to vanish upon death... but are they really things determined by one's soul?

Brain damage, that is, physical damage to the physical aspects of the brain, can cause loss of memory, skills, and even loss of intelligence. Chemicals and drugs given to a person can greatly alter personality, on both a temporary and permanent basis. One's mind is greatly dependant on the physical health of the brain, and can be greatly altered depending on what physical alterations are done to it. If the aspects of the mind were really a part of the soul, then a mundane accident such as striking one's head could never alter the aspects of the mind, as the soul is immune to physical damage. Thus, the mind is not the soul either.

What does this leave us with? Of all the proposed ideas there is only one left. Consciousness, the very fact that we are aware of something, anything, at any given moment. We are aware of our thoughts, our perceptions, our memories, and while all these things can be changed, our awareness of them cannot. Even during sleep we dream, and are aware of those dreams, it may even be possible we are aware even during the moments of sleep we are not dreaming.

However, this is a distasteful idea... that the only thing to be attributed to the soul is awareness, that everything else about an individual will die with the physical body leaving only an awareness with no memory, no thoughts, no perceptions behind. Only an awareness of nothing.

And without any logic to the contrary... I'm genuinely afraid this might be true.

I had to stick eight people out of nineteen on the blacklist for the Furry Art Exchange today. I didn't like doing it to be sure, but I feel like it has to be done. In watching Lemurkat run the exchange I've seen more and more people slide in a day or two or even a week late, even I got the impression that it was okay to be late once or twice... and I don't want that to happen.

I'm going to keep enforcing the FAX2 deadline with iron accuracy and hope that I don't have this kind of a cutoff every round. So far I've been enjoying my role as a moderator up to this point, and I don't plan to back down just because I'm a bit squeemish about the blacklist...

Hopefully I am not making a mistake by enforcing the deadline so hard... I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.